FOR SOME IT!S A CHOICE NOT A MUST!!!

No! I’m not married. If that’s a question you will be asking yourself while reading this article.

I’m at that age, where all my friends say YES to that shiny thing they put on your finger while kneeling and you shed tears of JOY. Every month, one or two of my friends get to wear a beautiful white gown, some started glowing already and some have beautiful children. During this time, most of us wish to get married too, have families and children of our own. I’ve been through this phase for at least 3 times in my life. And i can tell you it’s a lonely and hurting moment when you are not dating or committed to someone. Anyways, here I am, twenty something years old with a career and even bigger dreams.

As I sit in my room, everyday, I get enough time to reflect. I get time to think and decide and one of the things I think of is spending the rest of my life with a man. I mean, for the rest of my life. In one bed. This is serious! First thing that comes into my mind is I CAN’T. Why should I cope with things I don’t even like? like having pets around the house or visit the country side during Christmas? and they say it’s about compromise? I’ve seen how hard it gets in all the relationships I’ve been through, why should I then commit to a forever kind of thing? I know some will say, I’m selfish or maybe time will tell or I’m still young and I got time to figure everything out. Well maybe. And maybe not.

I have a friend, a very close one,who,for a very short time, couldn’t handle the pressure that comes with marriage and thought it was better to live her life and she’s got her smile back again. On the other hand, I have another friend who’s tired and drained with what’s happening to his. I can’t help but feel sorry, wish he had another option because his parents, religion and people around him keep saying everything he’s facing is a part of the process, it’s a phase and it will pass. This could be true, and also, it could become even worse. Question is, are you ready?

Today, before I wrote this article, I had a conversation with a friend whom I consider a sister. And we went deep on this marriage thing.She,in her life, always seen herself in the happily ever after while I keep seeing myself happily exploring the world, learn new cultures and just be ME, a wanderer I’ve always wanted to. Marriage and commitment scare me. I’ve seen married men cheat, lie and even abuse their wives. I’ve seen the most honesty men in my eyes do the unimaginable and it scares me because the number of these men in our time is huge. It only keeps me questioning myself, why in the world would my man be exceptional? Because in my life time, I’ve not met 1.You may say, faithful men exists, men that will not bring you STDs and step children exists. It’s true, but they may have something worse that’s so hard to bear. If you’ve been in serious relationships you may be able to understand more.

My mother says I’m physiologically destructed simply because I’ve seen lots of married men and women cheat and not being themselves, lots of men and women complaining about their men, about not being satisfied, about financial problems etc. My mother maybe right. Because if my friend’s man can come to me and asking me for sex,what does that even mean? That her sex game is poor and mine is better? Does he want to compare? Is he not satisfied with her? And I’m I proud that he wants me? NO. I’m simply asking, where is self respect and respect for the ones we love? We as lovers, are always proud of our partners, men and women both, not knowing what they do behind our back. At one time, when I was experiencing the “I want to get married too phase”, I said to myself. “All men cheat, they all lie so as long as he respects me and doesn’t do it in front of my eyes then I’m cool”. Respect? Where is the respect in that sentence? What’s the point? That I’m cool being fooled? Because eventually the truth MUST come out, and the truth is the impact. It could be STDs, step children, bankruptcy or the black and white truth where he tells and shows you that he doesn’t love you anymore, that he found someone else. What’s the point? Of believing that your forever kind of man will just last for a while?

What’s the point of compromising, hold some of my dreams and goals for someone who doesn’t even understand that sometimes you do things for their sake? If I have been offered two great jobs, one in the country and another abroad, let’s say Canada and we have two little kids, one’s two and another is four.Sometimes,if you were alone and didn’t have to think of the husband and your kids missing the fatherly love, you’d take the job abroad with more opportunities than the one available here. That you could travel the world,grow,reach your dreams and comeback home whenever you can. BUT they say, family first.Sometimes,you do this for your loved ones. But why sacrifice if they don’t even get it?

This year, I have been a maid 3 times,I’ve broken my record this year and probablly more to come. It’s a call I might have that phase again.Lord!My friends and I would tease each other, like “hey, when are you getting married?” or “who’s next between us?”if you are not careful, you might start acting weird to your boyfriend, indirectly wanting him to take your relationship to the next level real quick or say YES to any man who comes along. Here’s your reality,’ NOT every man who wants to have you should have you’..I repeat, not every man who wants to have you should have you. You don’t want to have regrets or feeling sorry for yourself. You have one life, and it’s best if you spend it with the person you truly happy with and who doesn’t cause you pain all the time. It’s not worth it. And remember, he will not change, the things he does right now and who is right now will not change if he doesn’t want to. Stop hoping you can change him. But hey, you might get lucky:)

All in all,women especially, attack fellow women who are not married. Like when you say, “she is desperate to get married right now”. Or “she’s lonely and she will die alone”. You sure it’s not you who’s struggling hanging onto a man and forcing a relationship? or slowly dying inside in a hurtful marriage?.I can tell you one thing about life.Very unpredictable. You can be married and lonely than that single 40 year old woman. God forbid, but God can choose to take our partners anytime he wants to and divorce is just papers, don’t forget that. It’s true this single woman gets lonely at times, but she’s got freedom too. For me, freedom is the ultimate need in my life. I’d rather have it than live with someone just because it was time to get married, or all my friends got married. I will not do that to myself. Sometimes people choose to take certain paths and that’s OKAY. Being a single woman or a single mum is okay. Let’s stop considering it as if everybody doing that is lonely or didn’t have someone asking their hand in marriage. For some it’s a choice. And we can choose any path we want to, anytime. We got only one life. Let’s try to live fully and happily. Married or single.Are you ready for that certain path?